We found clarification of  “intentional parenting” to be very informative but we wish that when authors discussed goals and values, they would clarify how they defined each. We found that writers fail to clarify the relationship of the two and rarely or never stated how they differ.  So, we searched until we found this article: The Differences between Goals and Values and Why Both Matter by Lori Eisner,  Needham Psychotherapy Associates.

Here is what Dr. Eisener stated in the article:

Goals are like:

‘“I’d like to lose 10 pounds.”

“I want to find a partner.”

“This year I will quit smoking.”

“I want to be a good mother.”

“Human beings set goals all the time. What is much more difficult is achieving them. It can be hard to continue pursuing a goal when we feel stuck or like we are not making progress quickly enough. When this happens we have a few options: 1) we could give up the goal (“It wasn’t that important to me anyway”), 2) we can beat ourselves up for not being good enough (“If I only had more willpower, I would be able to lose weight or quit smoking”), 3) we could blame others (“All the men in my age group only want to date younger women”), or 4) we could consider taking a step back and think beyond the goal about our values and what is important to us. We often measure success in goals achieved, but consider an alternative definition of success: living according to your values – something you could do in any given moment.

When we think about HOW we want to live our life, we are focusing on values. Values are like a compass that keep us headed in a desired direction and are distinct from goals. Goals are the specific ways you intend to execute your values. A goal is something that we aim for and check off once we have accomplished it. Being responsible is a value. Owning a home is a goal. You can engage in responsible behavior each day that may lead to achieving your goal and continue to live that value even after you have achieved the goal.

Goals that flow from values are inherently more meaningful and more likely to be achieved than those picked at random or those selected because you think you should focus on them. Take the goal of losing weight. What is behind this goal? Is it because you value fitness or self-care or taking on challenges? Or is it because the magazines at the supermarket checkout counter make you feel bad?

Understanding the value behind a goal allows you to make choices and engage in behaviors in any moment that are in line with what you have determined is important to YOU. When the goal lacks a value behind it, then the only measure of success becomes achievement.”

Intentional parenting includes having a plan that will impact our decision-making. For this to be successful, parents need to be aware of their own values in parent-child planning because our values have a strong influence on how we parent. But the truth is, we rarely take the time to determine what our values really are.

We do know that goals and values are personal and they differ for each of us. Knowing this, we have not attempted to develop a model plan influenced by our personal values.  But we do encourage you to learn more about the importance of family values and the impact they have on your parenting. If you decide to learn more about how your values impact your parenting skills, we encourage you to start by considering the information these two articles listed below provide.

Article 1: Values Based Parenting by Julie Almquist – Boys Town Center    

Article 2: The Center for Parenting Education: Values Matter: Using your Values to Raise Caring, Responsible Resilient Children. ¹⁸

This document provides seven different sections:

• What are values?
• Some facts about values
• The value of values
• What’s the challenge?
• Transmitting values
• What to do
• Exercises to Help You Get Clear about Your Values

If you are busy and only have enough time to read one of the seven sections you will find the exercises information in the last section to be a real learning experience.

Do you want to learn more about what has been presented in this topic?    If so, google the following:

videos or articles using the search term: “What do parents need to know about the importance of family values?”

Do you want to learn more about what has been presented in this topic?  If so, google the following: Videos and articles: “intentional parenting”