DONATE
JOIN LDA

LDA of Iowa's Parenting Guide:
Part One, Section 6

Topic 2: What is Active Listening

Introduction to Active Listening

The act of becoming a parent does not come with an instruction book on the skills needed to raise that child. Raising healthy, successful children requires parents to be experts on how best to interact with their child. This introduction to basic interaction skills will provide you with the guidelines you need to get your child on the path to success.

Writers from the comedy show “Everybody Loves Raymond” went to Parent Effectiveness Training classes and wrote an entire episode on some of the skills taught in the PET classes including Active Listening. As you watch this video, think about how you communicate with your children.

What is Active Listening?

Active Listening is a valuable skill for communicating with your child so that both you and your child’s needs can be met. It requires paying full attention to what the child is saying without making judgements or taking a position on the issue. It means you’re not just hearing the words, but you’re also trying to recognize the feelings and ideas behind them and truly understand the situation from the child’s point of view. When you’re an active listener, you might nod your head, make eye contact, and ask questions to show that you’re fully engaged in the conversation. Using active listening is highly effective in developing healthy, strong positive relationships between parents and their children.

When do I use Active listening?

Every day. Active Listening is used regularly to show your child you are there for them.

Use it:

  • During intentional interactions where you plan to spend one-on-one time daily engaged with your child in play or an activity.
  • During unplanned, spontaneous interactions with your child.
  • During times of turmoil when your child is emotional or distressed.

Active listening is the first response in understanding the problem, being empathetic and meeting the child’s needs and building a stronger relationship.

In all our relationships, not just those with our children. Understanding another person’s point of view and responding with empathy is important in developing healthy relationships with all the people in our lives whether it is a spouse, parent, child, another family member, friend or coworker.

Sources:

How do I become an active listener?

Being an active listener involves more than just hearing words; it requires being present and putting in the effort to really focus when someone is talking to you and then responding effectively. Here are some key points to help you become an active listener:

Give Your Full Attention:

  • Put away distractions such as phones or other electronic devices.
  • Make eye contact with the speaker to show you are paying attention to them.
  • Try to minimize distractions by choosing a quiet environment when possible.

Show That You’re Listening:

  • Nod your head occasionally to indicate that you are following the conversation.
  • Use facial expressions to convey your understanding and interest.

Provide Feedback:

  • Offer verbal cues like “I see,” “Go on,” or “Tell me more” to encourage the speaker.
  • Repeat what you heard. Sometimes, repeat back what the person said in your own words. This shows you were really listening and helps avoid misunderstandings.

Avoid Interrupting:

  • Let the person finish speaking before you respond. Interrupting can make them feel like you’re not really listening.

Ask Clarifying Questions:

  • If there’s something you don’t understand, ask questions to get more information.
  • This shows that you are actively engaged and interested in understanding the message.

Empathize:

  • Try to understand the speaker’s feelings and perspective.
  • Reflecting empathy in your responses fosters a sense of connection.

Use Positive Body Language:

  • Maintain an open and inviting posture, which can include facing the speaker directly and keeping your arms uncrossed.

Resist the Urge to Judge:

  • Suspend judgment and avoid forming opinions while the speaker is still talking. This allows for a more open and unbiased conversation.

Be Patient:

  • Allow for pauses and moments of silence. Some individuals may need time to collect their thoughts before expressing themselves fully.

Remember, being an active listener is about creating an environment of respect and understanding which improves your communication skills and builds strong connections with others.

What does Active listening with a younger child look like?

Info from:

Active listening with a child involves using techniques that are age-appropriate and take into account the child’s developmental stage. Here are some tips for active listening with a child:

  • Get on Their Level: Physical closeness matters. Bend down or sit so you are at eye level with the child to make the conversation more comfortable and engaging.
  • Use Simple Language: Tailor your language to the child’s age and understanding. Avoid using vocabulary that might confuse them.
  • Mirror Their Emotions: Reflect the child’s emotions by saying things like, “It sounds like you’re really happy about that,” or “I see that you’re feeling sad.”
  • Paraphrase Their Words: Repeat what the child has said in your own words to confirm understanding. For example, “So, if I understand correctly, you’re saying…”
  • Ask Open-Ended Questions: Encourage the child to share more by asking questions that require more than a simple “yes” or “no” answer. For instance, “Tell me more about what happened.”
  • Use Visual Aids: Use pictures or drawings to help the child express themselves, especially if they find it challenging to express their feelings verbally.
  • Offer Comfort and Support: If the child is upset, provide comfort through physical gestures like a hug. Let them know that you are there for them and ready to listen.
  • Demonstrate Patience: Children may take time to express themselves. Be patient and avoid rushing them. Silence can be an invitation for them to share more.
  • Engage in Playful Conversations: Incorporate play into your conversations. Children often communicate more openly through play, so join them in activities that allow for casual discussion.
  • Validate Their Feelings: Acknowledge the child’s emotions and let them know it’s okay to feel the way they do. For example, “It’s normal to feel scared sometimes; let’s talk about it.”

Remember that active listening with a child involves creating a safe and supportive environment where they feel heard and understood. Your child’s age, personality, and individual preferences will affect your approach.

Final Thought: Remember that becoming an effective active listener takes time and work, but the reward of improving the relationship with your child and helping them to grow into healthy, successful adults is well worth it.

Now that you know more about active listening…

Watch this video clip to see how Raymond effectively communicated with his daughter after learning about active listening.

Resources:

Active listening videos:


Learn More About Active Listening With These Resources:

Learn more about Active Listening with children:

What does active listening look like during times of turmoil?

Back to Section 6 Home
Back to the Parent Guide Home
Next: What are I-Messages?

Copyright © 2022 | Learning Disabilities association of Iowa

SITE DISCLAIMER